What Can I Say?

No, really...what can I say?

I've been in a weird funk/creative block. I tried for some time to force myself out of it and nothing proved to work. Then, after a deep conversation with someone I barely knew, followed by more introspection (and I mean more, because I've been QUITE introspective recently), I came to the conclusion that I was exactly where I needed to be at the moment, and I needed to just roll with it.

Not that I was sitting around being depressed...I just wasn't feeling productive. I feel as though I have a great deal of creativity within me ready to burst forward, but when I sit in front of the computer to write or look at my hal-finished painting...nothing. I'm still not submitting myself for many auditions, but that really has more to do with wanting to get back into physical shape before I put myself out there again. Anyway, I started to get angry with myself for not accomplishing anything, and for being a lump on the couch in front of the cable TV that I pay too much for, but then this conversation with this almost-stranger prompted me to realize a few things. I've been through a lot in the past 6 months. Not only that, but I'm at a point in my life where I'm re-evaluating everything. It's almost as if I'm trying to find myself all over again, and that is a little bit stressful. Exciting, but stressful nonetheless. That being said, I deserve to take some time off. To rest. To stop trying so hard, stop beating up on myself, stop worrying about the next moment. Right now I need to just BE. Whatever that may mean to me in the moment.

Today I began to feel vibrant again - I woke up early, went hiking again, baked banana bread saw my aesthetician (you must go to Mend Day Spa for all of your facials and waxing), submitted paperwork for a possible new source of income....and now I'm at the Coffee Bean ready to work on my script...and I left my Final Draft CD at home. Instead, I stay creative by turning my focus to my neglected blog, where I tell you, as interestingly as I can, that I have nothing to say.

At least I am making the effort. :)

Stay in the love, people.

Moving Focus Away from the Negative

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about how difficult it is for many of us to turn our thoughts away from all of the negativity in the world and move our focus to the positive. It's so much easier to get up in arms about those things that make us angry. Why do people behave this way or that, why war, why discrimination, why hate. How often, relatively, do we think about all of those things that we love in life? All of those things that make us happy? I believe it is true that we attract certain things in our lives based on the way that we think and feel. So, I must believe that if I want love and peace to flourish, then I must focus on love and peace and feel that love and peace in my heart.

It is a difficult shift to make. Especially for me, I love to get pissed off about things and rant and rave. But recently, I find myself so overwhelmed by everything happening in government and people's reactions to politics, overwhelmed by a feeling of chaos and anger that is spreading throughout the world on all issues...I've become so overwhelmed by everything I see in the news and the fear-mongering and the propaganda, that to be angry would simply be destructive. I feel that I must turn off the TV and turn inward, reminding myself to "be the change" I wish for the world. To start with the individual. To take control of the only thing in life that I can control...me. And I will stand up for what I believe and continue to advocate for what I think is right, but perhaps my approach will be a little different.

I choose to spread a message of love, not hate. I choose to help, not to fight with all of my might (no violence). I choose to smile and reflect instead of yelling and cursing. It's a hard road, but I think it's a step in the right direction.