Cleansing/Clarity

I decided to start a detox today, particularly to ease myself of my addiction to smoking and eating too much (craving large amounts of fats and sugars). I find that the detox hits the "reset" button in my system - I purge all of those things which are not good for me, allowing an open gateway to replace those things with healthier choices. While eliminating the nicotine from my system, I also get rid of the toxins from all of the processed food that I eat (and I LOVE me some processed food), and if I hold out long enough, I can curb my sugar cravings.

AND...it clears the mind.

The detox is by no means comfortable. In fact, while reading this you may find it choppy or find spelling or grammatical errors...I haven't eaten much today. But what I found throughout the day was that I was not feeling miserable because I was hungry, rather I was feeling miserable because I was going through withdrawals. For the first half of the day I felt miserable. I tried to avoid feeling wasted by drinking more and more juice, more water, I made some tea...when it got really bad I had a little hummus with cucumber slices, then went back to strictly juice. Then I did something I have never done before (and I don't recommend it)...I went to my bi-weekly spin class.

I knew this was, logically, not a good idea. But spiritually, I had to do it. I couldn't allow myself to miss an entire week, and I had already missed monday. I figured I could take it easy, and if I got light-headed or felt ill I would stop and go home. And I did. The first 10 minutes I felt tired and slow, and then I noticed that I felt a little bit of a chill in my body, something a kin to fever chills but not so intense or uncomfortable. Imagining that my nervous system was going through the process of "resetting," I pedaled on, aware of the movement of my body but feeling more like I was floating above the bike than attached to to. When the shivering stopped (it maybe lasted 10 minutes), I just felt GOOD. Slow, but GOOD. I didn't feel hungry, I didn't feel ill, I didn't feel pain. I just felt GOOD. And most importantly, I stopped thinking. The chatter in my brain stopped, the anxiety stopped, the self-deprecation stopped. I had the most wonderful moments of JUST BEING. Being all that is me and not what I THINK is me, completely in the moment...free. And free feels good. :)

I think that this is what I gain the most out of my detox sessions, which I admittedly don't do very often, but when I feel the need to "reset." And I will push through for the next day or two until I feel that I have accomplished what I needed to accomplish, then I will move forward with my best foot, setting intentions for myself, continuing to be the best me that I can be. It's a starting point for change. As Jennifer put it tonight in class, a "resurrection." Letting go of the old, the unnecessary the destructive, and coming to life in the new, healthy life that I want to live.

More to come on this...