When I was younger, I used to assume that I was always 'right.' Even though I never acknowledged this specifically, or declared aloud that everything was black and white and that there was always a right and a wrong, I tended to lead my life this way. As a control freak, this is a GREAT way to live life, because it constantly justifies the need for control and the need to be right. There were even times where I would go to crazy lengths to prove my point, because my point was the RIGHT point. I specifically use the term "crazy" (albeit loosely) because there were times (and I'm sure many people can relate to this), that arguments were so full of emotion and passion that the need to prove my point burned out of control. I honestly get embarrassed by these stories so I won't go into details, but I bet you can already think of your own examples (there should be a collection of these stories titled When Good Relationships Go Bad - The Art of Screaming at One Another).
As I have grown older and have had more experiences, particularly experiences in relating to others, I have learned that nothing in the world is black and white. In fact, we meander through our day to day existence in all shades of grey. The only black and white that exists in this world, is that we live and we die...and some could even argue with that, stating that we die only to be reborn again and so on and so on.
Let's look at politics, for instance. Most of us have very strong political outlooks. Yours might be very different from mine. I may not understand why you believe things that I don't believe, but who am I to say that you are wrong? Now, if you are like me, your blood may have already begun to boil at the thought; there is no possible way that THAT viewpoint could be considered RIGHT, or APPROPRIATE, or HOLY, or ETHICAL, etc. But stop and think about someone you know that holds the opposite view that you hold...they are probably sitting at home thinking the EXACT same thing about you, about how "crazy" YOU are for believing what you believe. And I assure you, God is NOT going to play Supreme Court, listen to both sides and come to a conclusion.
Speaking of God....Religion. I like to believe that my beliefs are accurate, but who am I to declare that I am right? For all I know, the Jews really ARE the chosen people. Or the Christians. Or, maybe the Muslims have it right. You could say that God came to you in a dream and spoke to you its "Word," asking you to spread it across the Earth. If you do, you may have some followers, but I also guarantee that someone else will declare you schizophrenic. That being said, can't we all just get along? But I digress....
Lastly, perspective in intimate relationships (not only romantic relationships but very close friendships as well), where two people may begin to butt heads about a certain idea or incident, each having their own side of the story and their own opinion about what is "appropriate" or "correct." As outsiders watching the debate ensue, we often can't determine either party to be right or wrong. And if we do, our opinions are influenced by our own past experiences. That is not to say that there aren't generally, based upon what society tell us, things that we should or should not do (for instance, I could very easily find fault in someone who is abusive towards their spouse), but there are many things that we think or do based on who we are as individuals that color our relationships, and sometimes personalities clash. I may date a guy who my friends think is "crazy" (I'm sure I will keep coming back to this idea of "crazy" in the future, because I no longer believe that it exists, hence the quotes), but others may think that MY behavior is inappropriate. In relationships, both sides are probably right to some extent. Or wrong. Remember, it takes 2 to tango.
What makes it so difficult to negotiate these differences in relationships is that we WANT to stay close to the other person, and sometimes conflicts of opinion threaten that tight bond. Here is where control comes back into play. Sometimes, instead of walking away from a relationship that is rocky, we attempt to consciously or unconsciously control the other person, trying to change them to our benefit. This never works, unless the other person shares your opinion and wants to change...but more than likely they don't otherwise you would not have had the argument to begin with. So, as a friend reminded me recently, either accept the other person as they are, or walk away. Don't expect them to suddenly change overnight.
A few years ago I had the grand realization that I was a control freak. I was honestly ashamed by this. I constantly tried to push my perspective on other people and it drove people crazy. Now, I also recognize when others do the same to me, and it drives me crazy. So I work on this...I am not perfect (no one is), but I try my best to always be aware of how my actions affect others, and stay open to other perspectives outside of my own WITHOUT PASSING JUDGEMENT.
This, in my opinion, is what all of my lessons in perspective as of late have boiled down to: JUDGEMENT. Don't do it. :) But, we all do it...from an early age we start comparing ourselves to others, passing judgement on whether they are good, better then we, not as good as we, "crazy," and so on an so forth. I personally hate being judged, so much so that I preemptively judge others before they get a chance to tell me what is wrong with me. This is also a testament to how much I judge myself...but that is another blog.
My point is, we should all make a better effort to stop judging others, and to allow room for different perspectives. Then, at the end of the day, we can get together with our like-minded friends and talk again comfortably about what we believe. :)
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